5 min readSep 10, 2020


NOTE; this is my a personal review of the book based on my own understanding.
Act like a lady, think like a man is a book written by Steve Harvey. It was published in 2009, but is still as relevant as it was 11 years ago. It’s a self-help book dedicated to women; who are about to go into a relationship, are in a relationship, are married or are even divorced, to enable them dive into the minds of men and have a better understanding of relationships and all that it entails. Personally, I think it’s a book every girl as well should read as she’s maturing, probably at age 18 since that is the recognized legal age here.
Though it was written particularly for women, I believe it can also be read by men. It enlightens them on ways to be real men when it comes to romantic relationships and marriages.
My aim is to highlight five things that caught my attention when I read the book; why men cheat, the ninety–day rule, keepers Vs sports fish, men respect standards, get some and the five questions to ask him before getting in too deep.
"Why men cheat". Amidst the amazing reasons Steve gave as to why men cheat, he mentioned one captivating reason. He said, "men continue to cheat because they know there’s a woman out there who’s always willing to cheat with them". More often that not, these women know exactly what they are getting into, they know these men are in a committed relationship, but still, they choose to tag along because they don’t have standards, and as long as there are women who are fine with helping these men cheat, things are never going to change. The intention here is not to excuse why men cheat, but to admonish women to level up and have high standards, you all can do better.
Have standards not just because men respect that, but also because it makes you stay conscious and deliberate about the things you would and would not accept from men. It breeds self-respect. When you have standards as a lady, you’ll be treated as such–with respect, you won’t just accept anything or any guy that sweet talks you with ridiculous things. And this is what young girls should be taught—to have standards, to have class, because you girls are queens and priced jewels and shouldn’t be treated any less than that. However, to be treated that way, you need to first treat yourself that way, you need to respect yourself as a lady before anyone can be able to respect you. "Get some standards men love that"
Newsflash—"it is not the guy that determines whether you’re a keeper or a sports fish" says Steve. Who’s a keeper and a sports fish? A keeper is that chick that knows and understands who she is. She’s the one with standards, the one who knows the power she yields as a woman and who uses it to gain respect. She has principles and ethics as a woman and doesn’t act below these principles. One who commands respect.
A sports fish is just any girl—no rules, no standards, is easy to get, one who is fine with letting guys disrespect her.
Women need to understand that they’ve got the power to allow themselves be disrespected or not by guys. And it’s all about using the power well, because when this power is used effectively, you begin to command respect effortlessly.
Sports fish or keeper? You decide.

"The ninety–day rule". We can never completely know someone, there’s always something new to learn about a person, and ninety days certainly wouldn’t get you far but it’s a good start and Steve Harvey has continued to make that clear. The ninety–day rule is practical and that’s the beautiful thing about it. It’s like a probation period, where you analyze the guy, get to know him more and that is also the period where you have to ask the five questions before deciding to go all out for him. It simply states that you should withhold your benefits (I’m certain you know what that is) till you’re to a great extent certain about this guy’s intention, till you’re sure he’s earned it. As much as he may try to hide his intentions, In three months, it’ll definitely be obvious.
"What are your long and short term goals?" These are just two of the five questions to ask the guy before getting in too deep, (you should read the book to know the rest of the questions to ask these men before going in too deep). You don’t even want someone who doesn’t have plans for his or her future as a friend, let alone, have such a person as a romantic partner. We all need to associate with people who have directions, not people who neither know where they are nor where they want to go.

I thought the book was an excellent work. I thought he spilled so much truths and he wasn’t at all judgemental, because there was a part he made a point, and I understood that point to be that even if you’ve messed up as a lady at some point in your life, it doesn’t change or reduce your value or worth, you just have to trace your steps back to the right path, that was a wonderful one because it makes women know that one or two mistakes doesn’t make them less than who they are– Queens.
However there was something I thought was wrong with the book, and that was the fact that there were some little chauvinistic comments he made. There were so many 'do this' and 'do that' because a man doesn’t like this and a man doesn’t like that. Women aren’t on earth just to please men, and it is important that young girls are taught that whatever it is they are doing, they should do it to build their self respect and not to please a man. There’s more to this world than male attention. Also, in the ninety-day rule, it left out the part of celibacy. Some women have chosen to be celibate, so what happens after ninety days elapses and she is now in a formal relationship with the guy. Does she tell him before or after she begins to date him that she’s chosen to be celibate? What happens if he’s not okay with the celibacy idea? That part was necessary, and I felt he should have talked a bit on that.

These are just a few of the many things Steve talked about in the book, it’s a must read for every lady out there and also for men. So I recommend that you read it and learn as much as you can. And remember to always ACT LIKE THE LADY THAT YOU ARE!